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Pat Sajak
Posted 11:51 AM, Jul 28, 2008 |
As a self-professed game-show fiend, I have to say that it took quite some time for me to get attached to Wheel of Fortune - in fact, I may not be 100% attached to it yet, but getting close.
As a show, it’s pretty boring - most of the viewers’ time is spent watching the wheel go round and round. The puzzles are getting weirder and lamer as they run out of things to do. The final bonus round is mostly impossible now (although they do provide ample prizes - up to $100,000 - for solving it) — let’s talk about the bonus round for a second.
It used to be that the contestant got to choose 5 consonants and 1 vowel, but that got boring since contestants almost always chose R, S, T, L, N, and E. So, now (and it’s been this way for several seasons at least), the contestants automatically get R, S, T, L, N, and E, and get to choose an additional 3 consonants and 1 vowel. (Another side note: the consonants are always presented in that order: R, S, T, L, and N, but why? Not alphabetical - seemingly random.)
So the R, S, T, L, N, and E have essentially become meaningless, since the puzzle creators can easily create puzzles that work around those letters - of course, once they figured out that contestants were going to choose those letters anyway, they could have really screwed over contestants. Now, at least, the contestants get a few extra letters to try.
Most final puzzles hinge on one letter which shows up several times or in a key location or two. The puzzles are essentially unsolvable without this letter, which is almost always a consonant. So, basically, from the 16 consonants remaining, the contestant gets 3 chances to pick the “right” one and make the puzzle relatively easy. Remarkably (even to me), the contestant still has a near-50% chance of choosing the right letter - my math gave me 137/280. But contestants still win way less than 50% of the time.
Anyway, I digress (seriously).
The only reason the show is watchable is Pat Sajak. Put any other host on the show and it doesn’t work. Pat has such an off-kilter sense of humor, not afraid to poke fun at the contestants and toss off one-liners under his breath. Last week, the EC and I watched him roll his eyes at a contestant about a dozen times on the DVR. I’m also convinced that he’s behind the fact that they often leave mistakes in - when they don’t affect gameplay - when they air the show. Contestants walking around, doing things they aren’t supposed to do, making funny noises, etc.
In most game shows, the host is unable to save the material or the concept, regardless of how good they are. While Alex Trebek does a great job, and Regis did a great job, they didn’t make the show. But Wheel is so inherently boring and generally awful that it takes a host to make it palatable, or even, on occasion, turn it into actual entertainment.
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Because You Want to Know
Posted 10:34 PM, Jul 26, 2008 |
The guy behind me in line at the grocery store the other day was buying:
1) Three 24-oz. cans of Bud Light, and
2) A box of corn niblets in butter cream sauce, and
3) Nothing else.
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Trivial Pursuit: America Plays
Posted 4:52 PM, Jul 26, 2008 |
See, the way game show casting works is that you get on one game show, aren’t a complete idiot, and then you get called to be on more game shows.
I’ve got an audition this coming Friday for Trivial Pursuit: America Plays which has a long title and a short history.
Apparently, there was a Trivial Pursuit game show for a couple seasons, hosted by the venerable Wink Martindale, in the mid-90s. This new one is a revival, of some sort, of that show. (Here’s a clip, part 1 of 4, of the Wink-hosted version, featuring an at-home winner from Duluth, MN neighbor Superior, WI.)
Of course, details will be provided post-audition, abiding by the confidentiality agreement I’m sure I’ll have to survive, with the timeliness mitigated by the fact that I’ll be in Seattle for a few days starting next weekend.
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Odd Man Out
Posted 9:37 AM, Jul 25, 2008 |
Yeah, sure, this story about two sets of identical twins marrying and then each having two sets of identical twins is amazing (and a little creepy - look at that picture), imagine how it must feel to be that boy on the left of the photo with no twin. It must be like walking around without a shadow.
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Ghost Towns
Posted 10:45 AM, Jul 24, 2008 |
A couple months ago I took a photo trip to Mentryville, CA, a purported “ghost town” which was hardly a “town” at all - maybe it was once: there was a schoolhouse, anyway. But there were only a couple remaining houses, they were small and pretty uninteresting. I liked the photos I took only because of the flowers, mostly, and some abandoned farm equipment. (Side note: I see it’s been a while since I’ve posted some photos; maybe I’ll find something this weekend…)
Anyway, here’s a list of “real” ghost towns, (filled with great photos), all of which are way more what I had in mind. Unfortunately, they’re all in other countries. Are there any real ghost towns left in the United States? Probably not.
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Hit With the Ugly Stick
Posted 11:19 AM, Jul 23, 2008 |
Has it really been a week, dear reader? And then I have two things to talk about, but one is just another customer service complaint, which it’s like, gee, how many of those can one person fit on their website?
So instead, more stuff about my favorite animal, the octopus.
Over at Ugly Overload, the dark underbelly of Cute Overload, they posted a great three-part video of an octopus torturing and killing crabs and also escaping through what looks like a hamster-sized tube with lots of bends in it. (This goes along with the always-classic Shark v Octopus battle, which I probably posted before.)
You know, sadly, I tried to find a good book about cephalopods at the library (or even at Amazon) and found nothing, basically, except lame kids picture books.
Things to come: (this is more a reminder for me than you):
- game show appearance news!
- Pat Sajak humor
- meaningless drivel.
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Advertising Dingle
Posted 12:07 PM, Jul 16, 2008 |
Interesting experience at Ye Olde Math Shoppe today:
This well-dressed guy (button-down shirt, tie, “slacks,” a word which I hate) comes in off the street with a stack of a particular advertising circular distributed at grocery stores and the like. He asks, “Who’s in charge of advertising?” and I say I am. He comes over to my desk, plops down a stack of this circular, of which I’m familiar, and asks if we’ve ever advertised in it.
“No, but we’re not interested,” I say, being totally polite.
“Why not?”
“We don’t believe it’s effective,” I say.
“How can you know if you’ve never advertised in it?” he says, starting to get a little pushy, which I suspect is a requirement for ad sales.
Now, I could tell him that, just by looking at a box of rocks, I know it’s not going to be able to perform long division - it’s just not built for that, in the same way that this particular shoddy circular isn’t designed to be any sort of useful advertising tool. But I don’t say that. Instead, I just tell him, “We’re not interested, thank you.”
“But how can you know if you’ve never tried it?”
I repeat: “We’re not interested. I’m trying to be polite,” I tell him, which I am, but after a previous phone call already today with a persistent ad salesperson, my patience is running low.
“Well, I’m not trying to be polite,” he says. He actually says this.
“Okay, thanks,” I tell him, “I think you can leave now.”
Now, I honestly don’t remember what he says at this point, but he doesn’t start to leave. He just gets pushy and even more rude.
Me: “Here, let me show you where the door is.” I get up, walk around him, and he dutifully follows me to the door, but not in silence.
“You’re a fool,” he says.
I open the door for him, hold it open, and say, “Thanks.”
He says, “I guarantee you won’t be in business in a year!” as he steps out onto the sidewalk.
“We’ve been in business seven years already, thanks,” and I close the door. He says something, but the door is closed and my back is to him, and he is gone.
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Too Old For That
Posted 10:41 PM, Jul 15, 2008 |
Today, while sitting in traffic, I saw a woman with seriously-graying hair, probably in her 50s, giving a piggy-back ride to a boy who looked like he was about 8 years old. Her back was all crunched down and she was curled over like a question mark. I was amazed.
To add injury to insult, as I watched, the boy punched this woman pretty hard in the head.
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Car Wash Woes
Posted 3:26 PM, Jul 11, 2008 |
Pulled in to the local Shell station today to fill up at $4.59 per or something, and also to get a car wash. Paid my $8.00 (but that’s for the one that includes the tri-color foam, so that’s only about $2.65 per color, which is a bargain). Got in line behind a UCLA alum, according to his license plate holder. He was trying to feed $1 bills into the machine without much success, but finally got 7 of them in (he didn’t get the tri-color foam). However, then the attendant came out. She chatted with him momentarily and then she walked into the car wash and motioned him in. She kept guiding him forward until the automated light turned red, and then she told him to stop. Apparently, boy genius had never been in an automated car wash and thought it looked like a giant mechanical jaw that would eat him and his diploma.
So, while he’s getting his car washed, I put in my code and just sit and wait my turn. Joe Alumnus finishes his wash, the light changes to green, and he just sits there. I give the horn a little honk, but he just sits there. The machine is telling me to pull in and enjoy my car wash, but he won’t leave, and before I know it Joe Alumnus is enjoying my tri-color foam.
I tried to feed in some $1 bills, figuring I’d pay for another wash and then get reimbursed or whatever, but the machine wouldn’t take any of my bills, so after Joe Alumnus got his second car wash of the day, he pulled out, and I went through the car wash without getting washed, pulled around, and went in to the Shell station.
I explained what happened to the lady working, and she understood my pain. “I don’t know what the deal was with that other guy,” she said. “Maybe I was supposed to stay out there with him.”
“Apparently so,” I said.
She gave me a new code and apologized, to which I said, “I’m pretty positive it isn’t your fault.”
So then, of course, I have to get in line again, this time behind a lady with a Lexus SUV. She’s leaning out her window, trying to insert something into the dollar-bill slot. What is she inserting?
Her receipt.
So that doesn’t work, no surprise, so she comes back to me and confirms that she is, in fact, the second car-wash neophyte I have found myself behind in the last five minutes. I point out where the code is on the receipt and she returns to her car.
Moments later, she comes back again, as I am just finishing leaving the EC a phone message about my experiences. She says she doesn’t know how to lower her antenna on her car. “I have no idea - I don’t have one,” I said. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”
So she returns to her car, gets it washed, and drives, thankfully out of my life, leaving me to enjoy my tri-color foam, finally.
Then, after lawn bowling this afternoon, a bird shit on my car.
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Two Visitors
Posted 9:53 PM, Jul 8, 2008 |
Recently here at YoG HQ, we’ve befriended a couple of mourning doves which we’ve named Jamal and LaShonda. Jamal started hanging around about a week ago, although we’ve been hearing their plaintive calls for months. The other day, he was sitting on the balcony railing and I got him to get him a piece of bread. I made it all the way to opening the screen door before he flew off, and even then he just went up on the roof above the balcony.
Since then, he’s come back each of the following three days and recently started toting his ladybird-friend along.
Jamal is easily recognized in the wild by his distinctive faux alligator-skin briefcase as well as the orange Nike headband he wears while sleeping.
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Great Ideas
Posted 11:23 AM, Jul 3, 2008 |
I have had many great ideas lately; I always forget to share them with you.
My latest good idea is to jam the blue plastic recycle bin for, say, newspaper, into the blue plastic recycle bin for plastic. It’s meta-recycling.
I had another good idea that involved a gymnast doing a cannonball into the judge’s table, one that is funnier if you picture it while watching gymnastics, something you will not find me doing. Usually.
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Brushes With Greatness
Posted 9:08 AM, Jul 1, 2008 |
Two stories:
1) On Friday night, the EC and I went to the Upright Citizens Brigade improv comedy show. The way the show works is, in brief, there is a guest monologist who tells a story or two based on a suggestion from the audience; then, four improv artists riff on details in the story, creating humorous scenes and situations, and hilarity ensues.
On Friday, the guest monologist was Jenna Fischer (Pam from NBC’s The Office and, like your favorite blogger, a fellow alum of Truman State University). The EC shouted out “Truman State” as the crowd quieted down; I’m just thankful she didn’t follow it with a dog woof and a fist pump, spilling her beer all over the people in front of us. Thank heaven for small favors.
Jenna was suitably surprised and ended up telling her first story (and thus fueling the first half of the story) about Truman State and Kirksville, MO. Nice time.
2) In 7th and 8th grade, I knew this girl, Kara Wheeler. We had to sit next to one another in English class on the first day and had to interview one another as our first assignment. We became reasonably good friends, I suppose.
Kara was always an excellent runner; when she got to high school (a different high school than mine), she and another girl dominated track and cross-country for 4 years, creating a dynasty. They just tore it up.
Since middle school, Kara got married and changed her name to Kara Goucher. On Friday evening, she came in second in the 10,000m at the U.S. Olympic Trials in Eugene, OR, and thus made the U.S. Olympic team. (She’s competing in the finals for the 5,000m on July 4th, as well, having posted the fastest time in the semifinal heats.)
Not that she’s reading, but way to go, Kara.
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