|
Litany 1.3 (Who Rules the World?)
Posted 5:13 PM, Jan 30, 2007 |
(Click here for the previous installment.)
After filling out the LA County Animal Control complaint form over the weekend, I was surprised to get this email on Monday morning:
—-
From: Los Angeles County Dept. of Animal Care and Control
Thank you for contacting us about this matter. Our agency, the Los Angeles County Department of Animal Care and Control, does not serve the City of Los Angeles. Please contact the Los Angeles City Department of Animal Services which has the service responsibility for the City of Los Angeles. You can contact the Dept. of Animal Services at…
—-
Yes, you read it correctly. The Los Angeles County Department of Animal Control doesn’t serve Los Angeles.
The email also directed me to an online form, which I filled out, only to discover that the submit button doesn’t work.
I then called the phone number provided, waded through the automated menu system, which presents you with choices (i.e., press 1 for English, …) but doesn’t allow you to make any selection at all until you’ve listened to all the options. Not too bad in the example case, but when they’re telling you about upcoming adoption opportunities, some fair at which there will be a “Smooch the Pooch” photo booth, and so on, you really just kind of want them to, like, get on with it already.
But I did finally make my selection, which was to speak to a real human being. After being on hold for 10 minutes on a Tuesday morning around 8:45, I gave up.
I’ve concluded the only thing one could conclude from this experience - dogs will soon rule the earth.
|
|
|
|
Litany 2 (Curmudgeon)
Posted 8:15 PM, Jan 28, 2007 |
We had a 3.5 hour “lawn bowling workshop” today, which was essentially a guy telling us we need to slow down and think about where we’re aiming. Then we did some drills where we got zero feedback on what we were doing right or wrong. He also failed to note that our green is locked almost all the time except when people are there playing games, so we don’t really have the option to go and practice for an hour with any drills.
(Side note: it was free. So I’m not complaining too loudly. Yet.)
After the drills, we went back and sat down and people asked the “expert” (he may have been - I don’t know, he didn’t ever list his qualifications, which is okay) about rules. This was really an excuse to grouse and complain about people in our club that don’t wear smooth-soled shoes (everyone, including the question-asker), don’t stand where they’re supposed to, take too many steps when asked to move, and cough at inappropriate times. (One of those is a made-up complaint - do you know which one?)
To the first of these niggling, detail-oriented questions, the guy responded with what the rulebook actually says, but then was pretty quick to point out that lawn bowling is a dying sport and that it really takes the fun out of the game and will eventually kill the game if people enforce every rule and get upset at little things that, especially in friendly games, really should be overlooked.
Needless to say, the niggling questions continued. We were told by the secretary that we “all” need to get smooth-soled shoes designed for lawn bowling. These shoes run about $60 a pair.
Now, the EC and I already paid around $75 a year each to join the club. I also bought white shoes to wear - not perfectly smooth, but pretty good - the best I could find. I’m being badgered, because I play often and reasonably well, to buy my own set of bowls (something I may do, used, if I can get a good price). And now we’re being told to go buy more shoes.
The people that are in charge of the club are failing to realize that not everyone is a retired investment banker or living off a government pension, and that some of us work and don’t have $80 + $80 + $60 + $20 (for a tape measure) to throw around. But they’re sure going to complain about it, and then out of the other side of their mouths ask if you have any friends that would like to come and give lawn bowling a try.
“I’m sorry,” I might say next time, “I’m the only one of my group that likes to get groused at by old people.”
|
|
|
|
Bowls Away
Posted 10:03 PM, Jan 27, 2007 |
Brief update on lawn bowling:
I started off really nervous-like, although for no apparent reason, but after about 6 ends got my act together. Our team ended up losing the morning 4 vs. 4 game, but then James (not his real name) and I won our pairs game handily, 18-9, and I bowled quite well, if I do say so myself, thanks for asking.
It was a good time, generally. The morning was a little dull, as it was 8 people in a game, so you only get to bowl 12.5% of the time. The rest of the time is spent standing around, making sure you haven’t gotten any dirt or grass on your immaculately white clothes. The afternoon was much better, much more fast-paced, and then the rains came, and I thought for a moment I might still be in Minneapolis, but then I remembered that it would be snow there, so I must still be in sunny California.
I have two good names for characters, probably a private eye and his sidekick. I’m not going to use them for a story, though, most likely, so if you’d like the names to write a story of your own, let me know, as long as you then send me the story.
|
|
|
|
Litany 1.2 (Calling Control)
Posted 5:44 PM, Jan 26, 2007 |
(Read previous chapters here and here.)
Well, after listening to the previously mentioned, ankle-biting dog bark for an hour or so this morning and receiving a call from someone on our homeowner’s association who told me numerous people have issues with the dog and the owner doesn’t seem to, in his words, “give a shit,” I filed a complaint with Animal Control.
This backs up my impression of the owner from when I spoke to her, and the dog continues to be a nuisance, so I felt it was time. (Also, the HOA member strongly encouraged me to file a complaint, and I found no reason to not.) So that’s that. We shall see.
|
|
|
|
Behind the Times at Verizon
Posted 11:43 PM, Jan 25, 2007 |
I’m definitely behind the times on this one, but it seems that Verizon’s rate quote for some data usage plan is 0.002 cents per kilobyte, yet they’ve been charging customers 0.002 dollars per kilobyte, which is significantly different - a hundredfold different, in fact. It stems from the fact that when the Verizon folks see 0.002, they ignore the fact that it says “cents” after it (or has the cents sign) - they just read it as $0.002, I guess because it’s a decimal value and it has to do with money. Here’s an audio file of a customer service call that is priceless (but also a bit long). Below are some priceless snippets, where “G” is the customer, George, and “A” and “M” are the Verizon reps:
G: Well, let me just start out with a basic question.
M: Okay.
G: Do you recognize that there’s a difference between “point zero zero two dollars” and “point zero zero two cents”?
[pause]
M: Point zero zero two dollars?
G: Do you recognize that there is actually…
M: …and point zero zero two cents.
G: Yes, do you you recognize there’s a difference between those 2 numbers?
[pause]
M: No.
—-
G: Do you recognize that there’s a difference between one dollar and one cent?
A: Definitely.
G: Do you recognize there’s a difference between half a dollar and half a cent?
A: Definitely.
G: Then, do you therefore recognize there’s a difference between .002 dollars and .002 cents?
A: No.
—-
G: Take .002, and we’re talkin’ about cents, right?
A: Right, .002, and if we multiply that by the amount of kilobyte usage that you have…
G: 35,893.
A: …35,893, that comes out to what you paid, $71.79.
G: Cents. You never did the conversion from cents to dollars.
A: Cuz we’re talkin’ about cents, we’re gonna multiply the amount of cents by the amount of kilobytes that you used…
—-
G: .002 cents is different than .002 dollars. I’m being charged .002 dollars per kilobyte. .002 dollars is one tenth of one… I mean, two tenths of one cent.
A: Okay, well, I mean it’s obviously a difference of opinion…
G: It’s not opinion! This is.. this is..
A: …the amount that you’re billed for the data usage is entirely correct.
G: [exasperated] Ah, God.. Okay, well, you know what, I’m gonna post this recording on my blog, and…
A: And that’s, if that’s what you want to do, that’s fine.
G: …that’s what I’m gonna do, and, and then you guys all at Verizon can learn math, and you’ll learn how to quote it correctly. The rate as I understand it now, and according to my bill, which is now, I’m getting after the usage, is .002 dollars per kilobyte. Just so you know. if it was cents, you’d have to quote it as two tenths of one cent, or .2 cents.
|
|
|
|
Warm Climes
Posted 10:09 PM, Jan 25, 2007 |
Back in Los Angeles, after a chilly sojourn in Minneapolis. Br. I don’t know how people live like that, wink wink, nudge nudge. Each time the EC and I would step outside, one of us would remark, “It doesn’t seem that cold out,” and then five minutes later one of us would be curled up in the fetal position.
It was a good trip though, ha ha, elbow elbow. (Okay, I’ll stop with that now.) It was good. Got to see lots of fine folks, as always - hopefully those people will come out here, where today I walked to the post office in a short-sleeved shirt.
I read a book on the plane, a book in Minneapolis, and then another book on the return flight. I also got a ton of new music, so I’m trying to take as much of that in as I can.
Saturday, I’ve been recruited to participate in a lawn bowling league. My understanding is that I’m just a substitute for someone that can’t make it - I’ll have more details tomorrow. I presume it’s not a regular thing, which is good because Saturday mornings are when I play Frisbee.
The funniest things to happen in Minneapolis were the two times I tried to play darts. The EC and I have a dartboard here, but it’s a “real” dartboard, which means it’s some sort of corkboard and we have metal-tipped, aluminum-shafted darts. So, when it comes to playing in a bar with plastic darts (considerably lighter) and a plastic board with pre-molded holes in it, it was a different game (apparently). 75% of my darts hit the board sideways and just fell to the ground, and few of the other 25% were on target. I looked broken.
|
|
|
|
Smug
Posted 10:12 AM, Jan 22, 2007 |
The EC and I went down to the little restaurant at the Depot Marriott here in Minneapolis this morning. It was about 11:00, and we were feeling a little hungry. They had a couple employees standing underneath a large chalkboard sign that listed things like waffles, eggs, and omelettes (made to order). One of the cooks was standing there, kind of waiting for us, as I looked up at the sign, weighing my options. The EC said I should have an omelette, and I said, “I think I will.”
Then, the cook asked me, “Are you ready to order?”
“I think so,” I said, and took a step forward to the counter. “I’ll have an omelette —”
“Oh, I’m sorry, we stopped making those at 10:30,” was his smug reply. “We’ve got a sandwich buffet.”
He must have heard the EC and I talking about omelettes, and he had certainly been watching me looking up at the board directly over his head that only listed breakfast options. He knew I was going to try to order eggs or an omelette, it would seem, and just waited until I actually tried to do it before gleefully telling me I couldn’t, as if he wanted to use his authority as a cook to tell me what I could and couldn’t do, but knew that the satisfaction would be greater if he waited for me to express my desire.
We ended up not getting any food from them, but instead returned to our room, put on our coats and gloves, and walked over to the nearby Dunn Bros. Coffee, which was closed for renovations. In the window I saw a yellow boombox, on the back of which was written, in black marker, “Frank (Shack) Zappa,” whatever that means.
And so we ended up at the Caribou Coffee a couple blocks away, which is where I’m writing this from.
|
|
|
|
Change of Location
Posted 10:48 AM, Jan 19, 2007 |
This blog will be moving its headquarters to Minneapolis for a few days. There may be posts from there.
In other news, there isn’t any, really. Oh, yes! :
I continue to get about 80-90 hits per day from people looking for news about Amelie Mauresmo. Since the start of the Australian Open, that number has doubled. People continue to flood my little area, looking for any tidbit of information or gossip about our favorite mannish tennis player. Well, look no further. You all have convinced me to make this the new unofficial Amelia Mauresman fan site.
…
|
|
|
|
Question to American Eagle
Posted 4:21 PM, Jan 16, 2007 |
In my attempt to find a warm, white shirt or sweatshirt, the EC and I visited continual favorite the Gap, but were disappointed with the lack of sale merchandise. We then went to American Eagle and looked at men’s clothes where, quite literally, everything I looked at had some sort of American Eagle logo on it, from the words “American Eagle” plastered in collegiate fonts to somewhat inconspicuous eagles on polo shirts.
Every single men’s item we looked at. And so we passed on all of it and left the store, wondering, “Who is buying all this?” Who wants to walk around advertising that they bought their clothes at American Eagle, a store that isn’t even that expensive or classy or trend-setting? But maybe I’m just out of touch with American (Eagle) youth.
|
|
|
|
Gallery: In and Around the VA
Posted 9:50 PM, Jan 13, 2007 |
Just today I was telling the EC how, when I went to college in Missouri, I liked to take the old camera out, drive down some random country road, and take pictures of abandoned houses. Any old country road in northeast Missouri will do - there are abandoned houses everywhere. With a lousy camera, I took some pictures of a house with eviction notices stuck to the refrigerator as if they were tests on which a student had received an A+, a house that had a cow skull sitting on the dinner table, and other really wacky, bizarro things. I’ve unfortunately lost those photos, as that was two computers ago and before I “got all serious” about taking pictures.
My point, anyway, in telling the EC (and now you) about all this is that I have a fascination with man-made things, particularly buildings, that are in states of disrepair. Peeling paint is a fascinating texture, and you never know what you’ll find in an abandoned building. Turns out, the VA here in Brentwood has an abundance of abandoned buildings. They’re all locked up, and the ones that have been abandoned are in that state because of asbestos and/or lead poisoning in the area. So, needless to say, I didn’t venture inside, but still managed to get some great shots.
I also took out the tripod I got for Christmas (thanks, Pops!) and took some night photos. In the past, when I’ve taken night photos, I’ve had to rest the camera on a nearby garbage can, a railing, or the roof of my car. As a result, I could never get quite the shot that I wanted. Now, I have no excuse. So, I took some photos of buildings, trees, and cars at night.
After all that commentary, here you go:
In and Around the VA
Worth noting is that this is my favorite set. Don’t rain on my parade. Also, stay cool, and stay out of abandoned buildings.
|
|
|
|
Golf is a Difficult Sport
Posted 10:03 PM, Jan 12, 2007 |
Painter Bud Chapman is offering a series of original paintings for auction; all 19 can be purchased immediately for $20,000,000. I don’t play golf, and don’t even particularly like it, but the paintings are pretty nice, and I especially enjoyed the commentary by Chapman on each hole: At the 463-yard, par 4 number 11 at the Antarctic Country Club, Chapman says, “Be sure to watch out for the constant glacial shifting as you approach the green - and always be alert for penguins, who often think golf balls are eggs.”
|
|
|
|
Looking Up
Posted 4:30 PM, Jan 11, 2007 |
Things are looking up. (No, the aforementioned dog hasn’t been hauled away, and neither has the owner.) Yesterday, I had two books due at the library. The EC and I usually head to pub trivia on Wednesday nights, and on our way stop at the library when necessary to pick up or drop off. Well, after auditioning for Lingo yesterday, and with the EC now having the cold that I had, we decided not to go to trivia, and hence my books were late.
I realized it late last night, so today made a trip to drop them off and pay my $1.00 fine. Both books were new books, so I guess the fines are $0.50 a day, which seems steep, especially for someone who doesn’t like libraries much.
But, the librarian informed me that this week is “Amnesty Week” at the Santa Monica Public Libraries, meaning if you return late books this week, you get the fines for those books taken care of for free! How terrific is that. That’s an extra $1 I can spend on this website.
|
|
|
|
Casting the Bible
Posted 12:31 AM, Jan 11, 2007 |
A few weeks ago, there was a New Yorker article by Daniel Radosh about the Bible-publishing industry. Radosh is a good writer, and I read his blog regularly. (He’s also working on a book about spiritualism, commercialism, and I’m not sure what else.) He posted today about the casting choices for two new major audio bibles, The Word of Promise and The Bible Experience. Great post, and also interesting - those Bible publishers can get some big names, I guess because it’s big business. One of them is actually getting my celebrity look-alike, Jim Caviezel, to voice Jesus. (I still think my celebrity look-alike is Jason Lee, although maybe he actually looks more like my brother.) The other Bible has gotten Samuel L. Jackson to play God, which, like, well, c’mon.
Also, not mentioned in Radosh’s article but also appearing in Zondervan’s The Bible Experience are Angela Bassett; Halle Berry’s former husband Eric Benet; Ahmed Best (who “voiced” Jar Jar Binks and is now taking on the roles of Felix (?), Sadducee, shepherd, and Man), James “JB” Brown from Fox’s NFL show; The Shield’s CCH Pounder, who I remember from the excellent Enemy of the State; rapper Common (playing the role of Soldier - make your own commentary); Heavy D; and Alfre Woodard. Man. It’s going to be great.
|
|
|
|
Renewal
Posted 12:33 AM, Jan 10, 2007 |
I decided to take a break from my string of curmudgeonly posts and let you know that I renewed this domain name for another 3 years. So, while you are getting a temporary, 2-sentence reprieve from my curmudgeonry, it’s really just to let you know to expect another 3 years of it, so steel yourself.
|
|
|
|
Litany 1.1 (Nature vs. Nurture)
Posted 10:49 PM, Jan 9, 2007 |
I finally tracked down the nefarious dog-owner today. We’ll call her Judy. I knocked on Judy’s door, and was immediately met with the sound of multi-toned barking.
Judy answered the door, clutching the vile little beast in her hands. I couldn’t believe she dared to let it be that close to her face. “Was that you that I saw downstairs yesterday?” I asked her, just to make sure.
“Yes, that was me.”
Here, there was a pause where I waited for some sort of apology, but it never came. So, moving on: “I just wanted to tell you that your dog bit me yesterday.” Here, I paused again - if you don’t succeed at first, try, try again. But still, no apology. “It didn’t break the skin, it didn’t leave a mark, but it definitely bit me.”
“Oh, well, I know he barks at people, but I don’t think he’s ever bitten anyone.” (Presumably she meant anyone except for me.)
“Well, I just wanted to let you know that I notified the Homeowner’s Association and it’ll be brought up, most likely, at the next meeting.”
“Okay.” I wanted to let her know that this was her last chance for an apology, but it seemed more likely at this point that the dog would actually learn English, apologize, and then wash my car to make up for his bad behavior.
“Okay, then.” And then she closed the door. I could hear her yell, “Shut up!” at the dogs, but they didn’t listen…
So I’ve decided not to call Animal Control - I wonder if that might be overdoing it, but I’m actually on the fence for that reason. I think the real reason is that I didn’t decide to call them before I talked to her, and now I feel like if I were to call them, it would only be because she didn’t apologize, which isn’t the dog’s fault.
But it does make the dog more of a menace (doesn’t it?) if she doesn’t really take responsibility for her dog’s actions. As much as I would enjoy it, the dog isn’t going to apologize for its actions - she’d have to. But she isn’t going to. So maybe I should call Animal Control.
I turn to you, dear readers.
|
|
|
|
Litany 1 (Animal Control)
Posted 5:26 PM, Jan 8, 2007 |
The next few posts around here might read like a litany of complaints, so bear with me.
There are numerous dogs that live in our building. I know this because I, on different occasions, have:
- heard them barking for hours on end
- heard tell of footprints left on lobby furniture
- seen them strolling around without leashes, even after warnings from the Homeowner’s Association that this is not acceptable.
Now, today, I can add another element to my list. I have:
- been bitten by one.
I’ve been bitten by a few things in my life - a flu bug, a trumpet-tailed rat (which actually drew blood), and other people, but I honestly don’t think I’ve been bitten by a dog, at least not in a manner that was menacing (as opposed to over-energetic playing). Until today.
I was walking to check the mail on the first floor (my complaints about the mail are a whole other complaint) when a woman opened the door to an apartment downstairs, unleashing two or three (I honestly don’t know) little, white, fluffy canine demons. They all started barking, and one attacked my leg, biting it. It didn’t draw blood, or even, from what I can tell, leave a mark, but it definitely bit the old leg.
I jumped back and instinctively shouted, “Jesus!” when it seems that “Animal Control!” would have been a better thing to yell, and probably more likely to save me from a dog. (This dog was mean, but probably no hell-hound. Probably not.)
The woman, who actually, if my eyes don’t deceive, lives in the corner of the third floor, near where the EC and I live, pulled her dogs back indoor and closed the door.
The dog-owners in the building all watch one another’s dogs, which is, I suspect, why she was coming out of someone else’s apartment down on the first floor, in answer to your question.
If it is, in fact, the same woman who lives on our floor, and thus her dog, as opposed to someone else’s, then it’s the same dog that has barked for hours and hours, led to one verbal confrontation in the hallway (of which I was not a part) and also led to me leaving a letter for the couple about their dog. I’m going to assume it’s the same dog.
The dog, according to them, is from the pound, and its previous owner abandoned it and treated it very poorly, so it has some abandonment issues, which you would expect (hence the continual barking). But biting is not acceptable. The dog is lucky I didn’t instinctively kick it.
I assume an apology will be forthcoming, and I think I’ll just tell her the dog has to go. There’s been some rumblings from residents who don’t own dogs (a vast majority) to ban pets from the building altogether. I guess I don’t really want that to happen, as I like dogs when they aren’t trying to eat me. The couple in question, in fact, has another dog, a nice, quiet, timid Great Dane, I believe, that seems fantastic.
Also, in answer to another anticipated question, the dogs were on leashes, but on those leashes that have a spool the owner can let out or stop or retract. This owner, apparently, had it set to just let out, not anticipating another resident using the hallway.
I hate to be a curmudgeon, but it seems that, even though the dog didn’t draw blood, it has to go. That’s how it works, isn’t it? If it were not me, but some elderly person, of which there are some in the building, or if the woman wasn’t as quick to react in pulling the dog back, well, who knows?
|
|
|
|
Personalities
Posted 10:34 PM, Jan 7, 2007 |
The lawn bowling club in Santa Monica is filled with all sorts of wacky characters. They’re mostly older men and women, most of them probably retired and with lots of spare time, which is good for them. There are quite a few women who are probably fantastic grandmothers, and a couple that are a little daffy, but could also probably still be fantastic grandmothers.
The men are much more of a mixed bag. Today a guy threw a fit because the three other people in his game (including his teammate) had all agreed to quit after two more “ends,” and he apparently missed the note. He had finally begun to bowl well and bring his team closer to victory when the game was, in his view, suddenly over. He threw a fit (and his bowls) and left in a huff. He could be heard at his car, still loudly complaining that he was “denied the last two ends.”
Another man left in a huff because his team lost badly.
Another man was heard complaining repeatedly that the game wasn’t being played properly - the mat on which players stand wasn’t exactly where it should have been, and so on. He was overheard to be saying, “We have to play by the rules. I’m trying to teach you the rules.”
On Friday when I was there, one of the gentlemen in the club (and most of them are gentlemen) was talking about how, 20 or 30 years ago, the club had 200 or 300 people. Now, I suppose they might have 60 paid members, and a lot of those don’t show up regularly (I’ve met maybe 25 people).
They’re also trying to recruit young people, always telling me and the EC to bring friends of ours, and so on. It’s pretty clear the club is in trouble, I suppose. But the thing is, as I said to the EC earlier today, no young people want to show up to what should be a relaxing sport, have people nitpick and criticize and throw fits when things don’t go their way, and pay for it. It just doesn’t work that way.
I know that a lot of these people are set in their ways - I don’t change my ways very easily, and I’m half their ages or younger, so I suppose it’s even more difficult for them to change their ways. It’d be nice if everyone could take a step back. I guess that’s why they call it the generation gap.
Side note: I am enjoying the lawn bowling. I just have to find something to complain about, you know. Those who live in glass houses, etc.
|
|
|
|
Rejection Letter
Posted 6:16 PM, Jan 5, 2007 |
So a while ago I submitted selections of poems to numerous magazines. My submissions were rejected by every magazine save one. In that magazine, the editor made some suggestions on one of the poems and sent it back, saying they would be interested if I were to make the changes.
The changes were all good ones, so I made them and sent the poem back to them a couple weeks later. (There weren’t that many changes - I’m just that lazy that it took me two weeks to make them.) The days and weeks and eventually months passed, until yesterday, when I got an envelope from the magazine.
The magazine has folded.
It’s turned into a yearly literary journal that publishes only short fiction, not poetry. So I’m out in the cold again.
I suppose that’s the ultimate rejection letter - “We haven’t accepted your poem for publication because we’re quitting the magazine business, mostly.”
In other news, I was voted “Player of the Day” at lawn bowling, which isn’t a real award. It’s the kind of award that could be made from old, shiny yogurt lids. But I’ll take it.
|
|
|
|
Back to School
Posted 8:49 AM, Jan 3, 2007 |
The EC asked me yesterday, “If you were to return to graduate school, what would you study?” I first told her phrenology, but then fessed up that I’d return for a degree in cryptozoology, the study of animals that don’t exist, are thought to be extinct, or are otherwise mysterious.
I’ve been interested in cryptozoology in a passing way, reading articles when they crop up, for a while. I may have talked about the Yeti lobster here before; it looks to me like a furry little beast and was first discovered in 2005. I’ve also been fascinated by the stories about the ivory-billed woodpecker, which may or may not be extinct; many people claim to have seen it, but there’s no real hard evidence.
And then, of course, there’s my friend and yours, the giant squid, my favorite animal of all time, although I think the giant squid is leaving the realm of cryptozoology, as it’s pretty clearly a real animal; it used to be thought of as a mythical sea creature, like the Loch Ness monster.
Here are the top 10 cryptozoology stories of 2006.
|
|
|
|
|
){kind=link}