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The Coupon Song Instrumental
Posted 11:33 AM, Jul 29, 2006 |
After a lot of media buzz (here, here, and here), I’m ready to begin my multimedia blitz. Recorded in the comfort of an LA apartment with terrible recording equipment and a novice engineer at the boards (me), I present you with the following:
The Coupon Song (Instrumental Non-Studio Demo)
Enjoy, share with your friends, and when things get out of hand, remember two things:
1) You heard it here first, and
2) You owe me for using the bandwidth to download the track. I’ll put it on your tab.
Stay cool, ice box.
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Unnoticeable Updates
Posted 10:32 PM, Jul 28, 2006 |
I’ve updated the site, but you (hopefully) can’t tell. Using a Template Module, I made the whole sidebar into a template, so now when I want to make changes to it, I just make changes to one file instead of the 8 or 9 I had to do before, due to all the archives and categories and stuff. If you notice any pages displaying funny, let me know, as I did the cutting and pasting to reference the module pretty quickly there, because I have to find time to read tonight.
There will be more to come. I took a couple photos last night, but I haven’t gotten around to putting them on my computer after working 9+ hours today (and working extra hours most of this week). Work eats up that giant part of my time that used to be devoted to you, faithful reader. I would ponder my post for 3, 4 hours, and then sit down and type a rough draft (which would take me 10 minutes) and then edit that for a couple hours, and finally painstakingly post the final draft for your enjoyment. And now that time is all gone, so you’re going to have to settle for quickly-jotted, ramshackle posts like this one, barely spell-checked.
Okay, not spell-checked at all.
The bad news about my editing job is that the style of the material I’m editing is to only put one space between sentences, so I’ve been training myself to do that (subconsciously) and now I have to turn my brain over to its blog-brain alter ego to write out this tripe.
And word, I’m going to sit myself down sometime and think of my beer names. But lay off, man. I work during the day.
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Methods of Improvement
Posted 7:56 AM, Jul 26, 2006 |
Some methods for improving my work-at-home ability:
1) No television!
2) No playing of the guitar, regardless of how awesome the new song I just wrote it, even if it doesn’t have lyrics, because remember, instrumentals have feelings too.
3) No browsing the internet to see if Alfonso Soriano has been traded to the White Sox in the last fifteen minutes.
4) No posting to any blogs.
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One of These Things Is Not Like the Other
Posted 12:47 AM, Jul 22, 2006 |
With cat-like quickness, 3 things I am looking forward to. One of them I will never reach the end of. See if you, rocket scientist, can figure out which one:
1) The Science of Sleep
2) The Fountain
3) Thomas Pynchon’s upcoming book
Good job, genius, if you picked option #3. I’ve never finished a book by Pynchon, so what makes anyone think I’ll finish this 900-pager? But Lord help me, I’m going to try, and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to try even harder. And then quit and wait for the Cliff’s Notes. And when I can’t even get through those, the Classics Illustrated version.
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Yapping
Posted 4:06 PM, Jul 20, 2006 |
There is a dog down the hall that has been yapping and yipping and generally being an annoyance all day. It’s in some apartment where the owners have either:
a) left it without food and/or water, or
b) are dead.
It’s been barking, literally, for hours. So imagine yourself at your place of gainful employment, trying to work, and someone is holding a dog just out of your reach all day, and the dog barks and barks until you reach the breaking point, and then you post about it on your blog.
I’m tempted to slip some bacon under the door.
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World Domination Monday Dud
Posted 11:44 PM, Jul 17, 2006 |
My World Domination Monday was a real dud — how about yours? I spent the whole day working, and thus allowing my soul to be dominated by Master Cheng and Novice Soo-li. And so it’s important to remember that we’re all just koi, swimming along the line between daytime and nighttime.
The only thing I really accomplished was a little more work on The Coupon Song. No, I didn’t write any more lyrics, or figure out any more rhythms or chords or anything. (I did practice the existing chords.) I worked on marketing.
My plan is to release The Coupon Song months before the whole album is ready. The Coupon Song will actually be a coupon. You’ll be able to bring it to your local record store and turn it in to receive money off your purchase of the as-yet-untitled album.
I also came up with a title for the second song I’m going to write. It’s called The Second Song. It’s about asking for seconds at the dinner table.
To sum up, I hope you had a satisfying World Domination Monday. I had high hopes for mine that were ultimately dashed, like a fish swimming away with the bait and leaving me with an empty hook. I hope whenever the next World Domination Day rolls around, whether it be a Monday or any other day of the week, is more satisfying.
Keep swimming upstream, my little koi.
And not to spawn, either. Just to fight the good fight.
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World Domination Monday
Posted 12:22 AM, Jul 17, 2006 |
Today is World Domination Monday, and not just for me, but for you. Today is the day we all do our best to dominate.
Of course, depending on who you are and what you do, you’ll have to approach this problem in different ways. Chances are you won’t actually have to lift weights or wield a halberd, but if you think that’ll help you chances to dominate, be my guest.
You might have two questions today:
1) What are you, fearless leader, going to do in your effort to dominate the world?
2) Why is today, Monday, July 17, 2006, World Domination Day?
To answer:
1) I’m really not sure. Hopefully my day will include working more on The Coupon Song, which I figure will earn me some royalties which I can then use to expand my quest. I’ll keep you posted.
2) I think a better question is, “Why isn’t every day World Domination Day?” And the answer to that is best told in the form of an old Zen koan, which begins here…
Master Cheng was sitting on a stone by a calm river, watching the koi swimming near the glassy surface. Novice Soo-li approached on the other side of the river.
Bowing, Novice Soo-li asked, “What are you waiting for?”
Master Cheng did not look up, but answered, “Nighttime.”
A rain began to fall, and the surface of the river rippled.
… and ends right there.
Do your best today. Remember that we are all:
a) like Master Cheng.
b) like Novice Soo-li.
c) like the koi.
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The Coupon Song
Posted 2:49 PM, Jul 16, 2006 |
I spent about 45 minutes today working on a song titled, tentatively, “The Coupon Song.” It’s about clipping coupons and saving money, which, if you ask me, is an excellent thing to write a song about.
I think I wrote the general verse chords and rhythm, and tried wailing out a few bitching guitar solos until I realized that I’m playing on an acoustic guitar and am not very good.
When I get it all done, I might post it here for you to rock out to. I might post tabs and everything, and you can learn to play it in the comfort of your own soundproofed room.
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Editor Needed for Sportscenter
Posted 3:52 PM, Jul 14, 2006 |
The current edition of Sportscenter contains snippets of an interview with Jose Canseco. The graphic over the anchor’s right shoulder reads, in part:
“Jose Cansesco”
C’mon. The employee who made that graphic wasn’t even trying. You know, every once in a while a little typo, etc., sneaks onto ESPN’s Bottom Line sports-ticker, but to have a basic typo in a large graphic for a feature story is unconscionable.
Side note: This is the second post in as many weeks to contain the word Sportscenter in the title. What should this tell you?
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Punching My Time Card
Posted 10:56 PM, Jul 13, 2006 |
So now I’m trying to work full-time again, albeit for two different part-time jobs. I’m trying to piece together a full workday in some shape. My planned schedule:
9:00 - 11:30 — work for job #1
11:30 - noon — lunch and dancing
noon - 2:30 — work for job #2
2:30 - 4:00 — work for job #1
4:00 - 5:30 — work for job #2
Check my math, but I believe that’s 4 hours for each job. Since I have the option to work up to 40 hours at each job, I figure the few occasional hours I may put in on a weekend or late night will just be an added bonus, but by working 8 hours a day for 5 days during the week, I will both be:
1) fulfilling my duties as a taxpayer (?) and
2) shortening my lifespan.
I know I’m working now!
Seriously, do you remember when I was saying things like, regarding starting work, “It was time to get something to do”? I really said that. I barely know that person.
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All-Star Rant
Posted 12:22 AM, Jul 12, 2006 |
I love baseball more than the next guy, but the MLB All-Star Game has some problems, namely:
1. The selection process.
2. The Fox Broadcasting company.
3. Tim McCarver.
The breakdown:
1. It’s been said elsewhere numerous times, so I’m not going to spend a lot of time wondering why Mark Redman was on the All-Star team. He made the team as the sole, required representative of the lowly Kansas City Royals (who are, admittedly, playing better of late).
Side note - the numbers:
He’s 6-4 with an ERA of 5.27. He’s struck out 32 batters in 82 innings, and also walked 32 batters in 82 innings, so at least he’s living in some strange baseball equilibrium.
Back to the breakdown:
Even if you aren’t much of a baseball fan, you’ve got to recognize that those aren’t good numbers. Even if you only understand that he’s won 6 games and lost 4, you must see that those aren’t All-Star numbers. You must.
Last thought on this topic: It isn’t Mark Redman’s fault. It’s too bad his name is getting dragged through the mud on this particular point - he’s the best player (arguably) on a poor team. It’s a sad distinction, but still better than being the worst player on the Royals.
Seriously, the last thought on this topic: I’m glad Ozzie Guillen didn’t play Mark Redman. (I’m assuming he made the trip to Pittsburgh - his name wasn’t mentioned in the broadcast while I watched. He’s a pariah.) Of course, I’m also glad Ozzie Guillen didn’t use an ethnic slur at any point, so he’s sort of damned by faint praise on this one.
2. [Insert sarcasm tag here] I really enjoyed the piece about David Wright. My favorite part was where he went on camera and said his favorite show was 24, gave us a little critique of it, something like, “The suspense on that show is unbelievable,” and then even held up a DVD of the show. The only thing I would’ve liked better was to see the Fox crew paying him in small, unmarked bills. [End sarcasm tag here]
Immediately after that clip aired, one of the two idiot Fox announcers commented on just how “marketable” David Wright is. Um, yeah. We just noticed for ourselves, how you guys used him for marketing purposes. Yeah. Got it.
And David Wright, you’re a young guy, but try not to screw up like that again. We want to love you, but remember, we wanted to love Alex Rodriguez too, and that just hasn’t worked out.
3. Now, I’ve complained about Joe Morgan before, and I can’t decide who’s worse - you can argue about it if you want. They both have sites dedicated to their removal from the broadcast booth. (Here’s Joe Morgan’s (which actually has a post about Tim McCarver from the All-Star Game), and here’s a petition to fire Tim McCarver.) The gem posted on the first of the two links is priceless. Another little nugget:
Brad Penny was pitching 98-99 miles per hour in the first inning. Kenny Rogers throws slower than that - I don’t have the numbers, but he’s not a fireballer. Tim McCarver, after Rogers throws a few pitches, makes the mathematically-challenged observation that Rogers is going to have to stand about 20 feet closer to home plate to be able to throw as hard as Penny.
What? So if he takes a few paces forward, he can throw harder? Well, he should just stand directly in front of the batter and throw 250mph fastballs right past his nose.
Yes, I know. I know what McCarver meant. But does Tim McCarver know what he meant? And, when he gets paid the money he does, shouldn’t he? But so often, things escape his mouth that are truly nonsense.
(For the record, I assume he meant that, if Rogers moved up 20 feet, his pitches would appear to be traveling the same speed, or, alternately, that Rogers’ pitches would reach home plate in the same length of time that Penny’s reached home plate. Or something.)
But that’s not the point!
Thankfully, it was a good, relatively clean game with some drama in the ninth inning, and that made it watchable. Plus, by that point I’d run out of energy ranting at the television. I’d been beaten into submission.
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At Least I Don’t Have His Job
Posted 11:15 PM, Jul 10, 2006 |
So I’ve started working (well, yesterday, actually), at one of my freelance/independent jobs, and I should start at the other one tomorrow, and then I’ll be busy, busy, busy, and the party that is California will come to a screeching halt. Not that I’m complaining - it was time to get something to do. The trick now, since they’re both work-from-home jobs, is motivating myself to put in as many hours as I can, but with two different jobs, hopefully I can divide up my hours pretty reasonably. Variety, after all, is the spice of employment.
Also, I can thank my lucky stars I don’t have this job.
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Mauresmo Is Underdog for Men’s Final
Posted 12:47 AM, Jul 8, 2006 |
Now, I don’t watch a whole lot of tennis, but I’m scared of Amelie Mauresmo, who is perhaps more mannish than Rafael Nadal. I mean, really, my goodness, are we sure she’s playing in the right half of Wimbeldon?
Funny story: while searching for pictures like the one linked to above, the second one I found was this one, which is scary for all sorts of reasons. I mean… Good night, that’s a scary cover, Photoshop or not. My heavens. I’ll have dark dreams tonight.
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Sign-spinners
Posted 11:34 PM, Jul 6, 2006 |
One of the great discoveries for me, moving from Minneapolis to Los Angeles, has been those talented folks that spin signs on streetcorners. (I tried to find a photo on flickr to illustrate, but the best I could come up with was this. That is not what I’m talking about.)
The sign-spinner stands on a streetcorner with a gigantic (maybe 4-5 feet long) sign, usually advertising some real estate open house. But they don’t just hold the sign like you or I would do, because here in Los Angeles, that isn’t good enough. The spin the sign all around their bodies, wrapping it around their heads, flipping it up in the air. Sounds pretty lame, just writing it down there for you. Sounds like Master of Champions, where the world’s best sign-spinner is determined by how much cheese they can slice with their spinning sign.
I digress. These guys are great. Such enthusiasm in the Los Angeles heat, standing on a streetcorner. They’re entertainers and advertisers, just like that little gecko.
There are many questions I’d like to ask one of these guys. (I’ve only ever seen guys spin signs, but if you’re a gal that does it, by all means, let me know.) I also assume that these aren’t unique to Los Angeles, but being of a somewhat-limited travel history, I’m really not sure.
If this whole work-from-home thing doesn’t pan out, there’s always sign spinning.
By the way, here’s a photo from flickr of a sign-spinner, not in action, unfortunately, but it’s a photograph, so not like you’d be able to tell how good he was, in any event.
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Photos: Venice Beach, July 4th
Posted 3:39 PM, Jul 4, 2006 |
A trip to Venice (& Muscle) Beach for the holiday.
We parked near Electric Avenue.
These mannequins were not nearly fit enough to enter the muscle competitions, but they were colorful.
A bodybuilder.
The same bodybuilder, striking a pose (not for me).
This woman was at least 50 years old.
In this picture, taken seconds after the above, she is even older.
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On the Author Finding His Book, Used
Posted 12:29 AM, Jul 4, 2006 |
he has stopped looking for his book
in stores that sell only new books. inevitably,
there is an alphabet gap where his name
should be; he has been deleted from the rolls.
now he slides his finger along creaky, used
spines, cocking his head as he
inches closer. on the frequent
occasions when he finds a copy, he notes in his
graph-paper ledger the date, the condition,
and the price, all in a cryptic shorthand
so even his wife cannot decipher his declination.
he has notations for everything: copies marked
with academic marginscrawl;
copies with torn pages, dog-eared
pages, missing pages; copies soaked with coffee,
cranberry juice, milk, and once, unmistakably, urine.
his ledger is a cacophony of symbols and letters,
a language written in all directions at once.
he found, once, seven copies of his book
on a single shelf in bemidji. each one
stood in a police lineup and stared sullenly at him.
each one waited to be picked up, examined, and
replaced.
he retired his ledger on the day
he found for sale an autographed copy
in very good condition, for $2.25.
he bought and burned it, page by page,
by the light of his cigarette. the smoke
was black with ink, the ashflakes accumulating
on his turtleneck sweater, snowing him
in for the long northern winter ahead.
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Odds and Ends
Posted 12:22 AM, Jul 2, 2006 |
Two things of note:
1) This website, in addition to some great photography of the flooding Delaware River, in general is the best photoblog I’ve found on the web, maybe next to Quarlo, which updates so infrequently the word “blog” barely qualifies.
2) Upon flipping through a copy of Marc Estrin’s Insect Dreams: The Half Life of Gregor Samsa, I noticed that it’s autographed, with the handwritten note:
for Howard - with thanks for decades of inspiration.
Obviously, Howard was not as inspired by Mr. Estrin’s book to keep it on the shelf. Also, on the inside front cover, I found a street address in Burlington, VT, the hometown of Mr. Estrin. Is it Mr. Estrin’s address? No idea. Could I find out? Oh, probably, but maybe I’ll just write a poem about it instead.
Someday.
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