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This is the End
Posted 3:10 PM, Dec 30, 2005 |
Well, this is the end of the year, anyway. How to sum up an entire year in one little post? Not going to happen.
I might as well tell you, first, that dooce has her picture in Glamour magazine, of all places. (Like a whole lot of you are out there and reading this site and not reading anything at dooce.com.)
Kottke has good collections of end-of-the-year, best-of links. I’m at least happy to report that I’ve already seen a good number of these, so it’s like I’m as savvy as he is.
In other news, have you seen or do you own a metal spork? If so, I’d like to know where you got it. Also, have you seen or do you own a spork that also has a serrated knife edge? This seems more dangerous, but also more interesting.
And this man took a baseball and then applied a coat of paint. And then another coat of paint. And then another 19,100-some coats. And now it is a giant ball of paint. (This link is also from kottke.)
One of the best things I found this year was beatradio.org (and I guess, by extension, then, beat radio), which offers free mp3s that you may or may not like, knowing you.
And hey, look. I wasn’t going to tell you about this, because it’s never going to be done, and, like, could you think of a possibly more boring title, but a while ago I started writing this other story, and then I put some of it online, but I didn’t tell you, until now. If you read it, don’t expect that I will finish it, although I did plot almost the entire thing and have written more than I’ve bothered to post. Also, other good news about it is that the two sections I’ve written, I actually like. For a change. Well, most of it.
Think of 2006 as a new house, and 2005 as an old house, and then think of this super-long post as a housewarming gift. Congratulations on your new house, everyone.
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There are Not Words to Express Everything
Posted 11:19 AM, Dec 27, 2005 |
There’s really no way I can recap the events of the past 4 or 5 days. Really. I could throw words at you, like “cheese wine” or “Chihuahua that likes to lick pants” or “Go Blue Devils” and such, but really. Nothing I say can sum it up.
I was told to blog about a thousand things, all on Thursday, and all by one person. Sadly, there’s no way for me to remember everything; I can only hope that nobody gets too disappointed.
I’m not using anyone’s real name, either, but you know who you are, you pant-licking dog, you. You know.
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Not a Whole Lot
Posted 3:47 PM, Dec 22, 2005 |
Not much to say around here, lately. At the very least, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, whatever. As Stephen Colbert says, however you want to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ is fine with me.
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Sestina Update
Posted 4:00 PM, Dec 16, 2005 |
I wrote a sestina about 4 years ago about my uncle getting kicked in the chest by a horse. I remember passing it on to an English professor who liked it, but didn’t like one particular image, the idea of the horse’s knees being round and knobby, like golf balls. She didn’t like the golf ball image - it didn’t fit with the imagery of the rest of the poem.
I never fixed that, even though I agreed entirely. I could never figure out what I wanted to say - I had originally thought of the knees like golf balls, and I couldn’t change it in my head, like when you learn to pronounce a word incorrectly - it’s so hard to change. It’s a lot harder to change a misconception than it is to just teach someone who knows nothing about it.
I thought about sestinas earlier in the week, but didn’t think about the one I wrote for my uncle. (It’s not on this site, not yet, anyway.) And then two nights ago, as I was driving home from Tracy’s Saloon, the right image popped into my head from absolutely nowhere.
Maybe it’s not really the right image, but it’s better.
I haven’t gone back yet to “fix” the poem, but I will. It took me 4 years to get it right.
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Travel Times
Posted 11:12 AM, Dec 14, 2005 |
the travel times aren’t as bad
as i’d imagined, the snow not
as thick as forecasted. it’s taking
me less time to get to where i’m going.
i’ve become better
at folding maps, matching
concave and convex creases like
puzzle pieces. my sense of direction
is better; my nose can smell magnetic
north. i can see a little further ahead.
i think the snow is letting up.
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Do You Ever — Of Course You Do
Posted 10:07 AM, Dec 9, 2005 |
Do you ever wake up and you can tell it’s going to be a shitty day? Not that anything explicitly goes wrong when you get out of bed - it’s not like you step on an iron or something. (Really, I didn’t.) But you can still tell that things are going to be shitty, and then it seems like every little encounter you have lends itself to your feeling about the day. Of course, you’re left wondering if maybe people just seem particularly crass, rude, etc., because you’re in a cranky mood, because you’ve already decided that the day will go poorly, but you can never be sure. You can never be sure — cause and effect get all jumbled up in some sort of Mobius strip of shitty-day-ness. And then you sit down and write it all in your blog.
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Seriously, Like, Whatever
Posted 8:54 AM, Dec 8, 2005 |
Lately, this weblog is really boring. There is either not a damn thing happening with me or too much to even think about maybe starting to mention just a little bit of it here. The funny thing is that I’m not even sure which it is.
Knock yourselves out with this stuff, maybe, or not.
Apple’s iTunes store should have adjustable prices based on demand (like I-394’s MNPass lane, for you Minneapolitans), an idea covered nicely in this Wired article from back a while and also in the accompanying blog.
I’m not good at chess, nor boxing, so chessboxing is not the sport for me.
And, lastly, explodingdog has neat drawings. Don’t look at their primitive style and decide that it’s like toothpaste for dinner, because it isn’t. There’s a whole different thing going on here.
Well, whatever, then. Be that way.
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Quick Link
Posted 8:36 AM, Dec 7, 2005 |
This interview with Barbara Ehrenreich is really only being linked to here in this space for one person.
If you are not that one person, you can read it anyway.
If you are that one person, I guess your birthday and Christmas came early this year.
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Steal This Blog
Posted 3:01 PM, Dec 5, 2005 |
I can understand why people get all agitated when other people steal their writing and pass it off as their own (commonly referred to as plagiarism), but I think if someone stole my writing and put it somewhere else, I’d be flattered (unless they put it on http://www.shittyblogentries.com). But apparently not everyone is flattered, including the fine people behind both dooce and que sera sera.
Steal my blog.
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The Ricky Gervais Show
Posted 10:20 AM, Dec 5, 2005 |
Oh, this is funny stuff. It’s episode 1 of The Ricky Gervais Show from the Guardian Unlimited, in the form of a 30-minute mp3 file. I’ve listened to it twice.
You know, Ricky Gervais, from The Office and … other stuff.
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Neologisms
Posted 11:28 AM, Dec 1, 2005 |
Normally, I’d just link to this piece, which was sent to me via email, but I don’t have the link and am too lazy to find it. Nonetheless, I figured someone might enjoy it. I realize by posting it I’m risking turning this into a lame, recycled blog. So be it.
——
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners:
1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n.) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n.) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
5 . Inoculatte (v.) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6. Hipatitis (n.) Terminal coolness.
7. Osteopornosis (n.) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
8. Karmageddon (n.) It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
9.Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. Glibido (v.) All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
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